This crumbling skyline..the masters of ruin, the rubble in the air is war paint for our drawn faces. But I close the front door and open up my mind, consume all the ugly pretty things inside. Collecting all the broken things I might find, on a city street under the bruise sky. Breaking holds so many memories, and stays close like a lover thru time..whispering into my delicate ear..'there is always the escape of breakdown, the comfort of collaspe"..in the grey of a stubborn dawn(like a moth to that drugged' light) i find imperfect arms, and imperfect lips..to speak the words that have to said when things seem to be going this way..and in my imperfect bed..eagar work to be done, the quest to find those maddening places..and the search for that sunset perfect moment. I run the streets..wearing experince like a crown of thorns, each bruise was a kiss, and heartache was the pallet for a masterpiece in the making..but eyes and tones haunt my sleep..hungry to consume what was his all along. A girl made of bits and scrapes, careful instruction for self destruction..and left her dancing a poppy fed' twirl. Perfection burned with the cities, and I armed myself to the teeth..cause you see; imperfection and me..you've got it together.
Sleepy summer daze abound and brings desires' incubus touch to my skin..and madness to my mind not dulled by chemical pancreas'. Escape, city street lights and I dance like no one knows the faults written on my skin like tattoos of failure and no way to begin again, i've been loved so furious knives pierced my skin and reach such heights only Icarus and his faulted wings could bring me back down to earths' dead ground. Swallowed secrets and spelled them out again on walls of places my eyes won't ever see, like the admissions of the silent. Ate the key to my heart, so no boys with bright eyes, teased with mischief can once again enter the confines and chambers of my beating heart, infesting themselves deep inside the cracks and slits, only to wreck havoc all about the lands of my body, and push me closer oh so closer to that glimmering edge, where the wreckage lies below and the suffering of those before me smears the landscape with heartache abound. Gimme city streets and neon light, and crowds of people at 3.am, give me unlikely beauty and kisses so deep, tasting of truth.
I miss you, the shape of our bodies..where everything met perfectly. I miss being beautiful, making myself float on air for you, i'm a dual addict minus one fix, and its' oh so hard. I am standing alone, lying alone..whispering in the dark to nobody. I have become invisible, except to see you. I wear a brave front for our plexi-glass encounters. I am playing 'happy-with-my-solitude', how long can I remain?..I put my hand over my heart, it is still beating, god knows how..for it is only half a heart. As I am half a person, half a mind, half a soul. &when I see you in my eyes, I wince, when you slip yr way into my dreams, the tears on my face smash me violently into reality. My 'life' without you, a farce, a story with nothing to say. The most ridiculous of ventures, never even considered if not forced upon me, and oh how it was. It is too much, how you've become so much, you mean everything, I am defined by you & our love. I hold on purely for the day we shall find eachother, mouth to mouth, hand in hand.
Its' been so long since words have slid their way across this page. I almost lost him. I spent a good deal of hours behind some bars. My faults are now spread across the table for everyone to take a good look, you wince but you can't look away. Like a car crash in slow motion.. So I plant my feet, in some muddy ground and raise my eyes to the blue blue sky, to see my way out of this deep hole we've been digging..I'd just wanted to hang my feet in. But who takes just one taste of the best thing you've ever had? [someone better than me]
my eyes are like burned out blazing flashes and the sky is black as coal. &I thought maybe if you lifted me up on yr shoulders, i could collect stars for better days. but now that i'm so high up here, i'm just afraid to fall.
Short days and long nights, i've become a faithful lover to the darkness, and in truth besides that i'm faithless. Everything behind my eyes is dead, and the shine you see is lighted with chemical comfort. You hold yr hand in mine, and we tell eachother that there is more than this for us, that we mean more than one score to the next..Lying to yrself is a skill that takes pratice, to watch yr mouth speak words that mean nothing. To create the picture that is the opposite of yr reality, the nothing words show the world that [it's all ohkay]..You'll never know the places i've been unless you walk this dirty path, there is no kindness here&its' as brutal as an open wound..i'll just take what i came for, then out the door again.
A lost place, where the words lose meaning...where everything drops off. You tell me its' so simple and I want you to step inside my skin, read the whispers of my head, and i'd love to see you fight. To slip out of obsessions bind, and reclaim all that once lived in these spaces. Fight my battle for me, i'll give it all to you.
&& It's been so long since this voice had anything to say at all..I'd only ask you to hold my hand as I fall, or stick the needle and find that vein..To feel the warmth rise up in me, the happiness I could never achieve on my own...We are empty-eyed soliders fighting a battle within our own battered bodies, my innocence is worn well, and the scars on my arms don't fit with the picture I present, this is what yr supposed to see, a glorified, delicate loving version of me, and underneath she is all veins and bruises, all wanting and greed.. I'd sell my own soul for a bag and a taste..This is not as graceful as I dreamed.
Dance with me sometime, on the edge of this existance..say yr not so alone cause you want nothing more than this. Losing ambition like a sinking ship, we shake our hips and move our lips and pretend the whole time we're alive, the souls in our eyes burned out a long time ago, when we had to beg steal and borrow to keep on with the show, and hid it well so no one would know..just how far we'd fallen, from our spot in graces.
This place is like a black-hole, its swallowing all the good things i've ever felt. All thats left is the panic and the fear, the cold sweat and the tears lingering right behind my eyes. I have no control, i'm not driving this car..we're all bound for hell. Or madness, its so alluring sometimes, it wears your face to caper around in. Feels more comfortable than you in your very own skin. Lover, don't you know your touching a stranger?.. I'm not in control anymore..Darling, won't you save me from myself tonight?.. From the knife my hands, and the desperation in my eyes. I could end this dance right now, pull the curtain down on it all. I hope one day you'll realize you won't love like this again, hold me in yr arms, keep me safe from harm.
Life is like a spiral, would you believe me if I read you this story, this heartless tale of desperation, honesty is sharp like a knife to the ribs..stealing your breath away,& you can barely believe me..such a devil behind these eyes. Two sides of one girl, and their tearing me to pieces.